I took a 6
week medical leave of absence. The
surgery to remove the tumor from my
right breast was very invasive (partial mastectomy) and I
required this time to physically heal.
But, it has also provided me time to
reflect.
I had always thought that when something as invasive as cancer happens to a person, that person will change. They have to, right?. Actually. . .no.
I had always thought that when something as invasive as cancer happens to a person, that person will change. They have to, right?. Actually. . .no.
No one has
to do anything they don't want to.
Change is a choice.
What opportunity to change was God offering to me? And then I heard it very clear, heal the past by doing what is most scary to me, allow others into my life.
I allowed people into my life and to love me. God has helped me to rewrite my script. Some of the sadness and pain are gone. I feel so much joy.
What opportunity to change was God offering to me? And then I heard it very clear, heal the past by doing what is most scary to me, allow others into my life.
I allowed people into my life and to love me. God has helped me to rewrite my script. Some of the sadness and pain are gone. I feel so much joy.
When I
needed a ride to my follow up
surgical appointment, I called my friend Bobbe.
I’ve asked
my sister, Linda, a number of times to
go grocery shopping or make that
healthy, delicious bone broth for me.
Lisa and
Aurora made meals for us.
There have
been others who have offered help, but
I haven't needed their help yet.
This was a
major shift as I felt I always had to
do it myself. In crisis, you need
support. You can't do it all yourself.
Something
I want to emphasize is my mother,
Jennifer Grainger, who is also a business adviser to women business owners with a deep-hearted passion to make a difference in the world who are struggling with their businesses said something that
was very profound. When something
upsetting happens to us and we don't
process the emotion, we act like the
trauma didn't bother us. What
actually happens is we go numb and the
emotional energy stays frozen in our
cells.
She went on to say that at a later time, sometimes even many decades later, something happens that triggers that "clump" of frozen energy and we are psychologically transported back in time when that thing (or multiples of the same trauma) happened and we regress to the age we were when it happened. We can act out as if we were that age. That's why we can see someone getting upset over "nothing" (from our perspective) and comment that they are acting like a 2 year old, 5 year old, or teenager, etc.
For me, prior to the cancer diagnosis, I tried to prevent old traumas from being triggered. This technique is very limiting. I avoided people and I limited new experiences.
When I was on my medical leave of absence and had time and space to reflect on my life, I realized I could embrace people and experiences and stop being afraid.
Since I have become open to healing any stuck emotions, I'm having memories of past hurts/traumas where I went numb.
To assist me with this part of my journey, I've been reading Colin Tipping's book, "Radical Forgiveness". This means forgiving those who have hurt me, even some things that are unspeakable and maybe even unimaginable that we would forgive.
Thank you God for how you love Your children, each and every one of us. I appreciate how You use us in each others lives.
She went on to say that at a later time, sometimes even many decades later, something happens that triggers that "clump" of frozen energy and we are psychologically transported back in time when that thing (or multiples of the same trauma) happened and we regress to the age we were when it happened. We can act out as if we were that age. That's why we can see someone getting upset over "nothing" (from our perspective) and comment that they are acting like a 2 year old, 5 year old, or teenager, etc.
For me, prior to the cancer diagnosis, I tried to prevent old traumas from being triggered. This technique is very limiting. I avoided people and I limited new experiences.
When I was on my medical leave of absence and had time and space to reflect on my life, I realized I could embrace people and experiences and stop being afraid.
Since I have become open to healing any stuck emotions, I'm having memories of past hurts/traumas where I went numb.
To assist me with this part of my journey, I've been reading Colin Tipping's book, "Radical Forgiveness". This means forgiving those who have hurt me, even some things that are unspeakable and maybe even unimaginable that we would forgive.
Thank you God for how you love Your children, each and every one of us. I appreciate how You use us in each others lives.
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